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March 29, 2005
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As you may have gathered from a few hints I've dropped in earlier entries on my site, Paulette and I are expecting our second child before too long.
In the meantime, our son Alexander has had to adjust to a number of changes, including the move from one house to another and the fact that his Mommy is no longer up for running after him when he chooses to dash around like a crazed miniature T-Rex on PCB. We've been trying to prepare him for the fact that he has a younger sibling on the way by indicating his mother's belly and saying "there's a baby in there."
So, a few days ago, Alex puts his hand on *my* belly and says, "Baby in there!"
Ummm. How do you explain that, no, that's not a baby, that's too many french fries?
Occasionally, in years gone by, I'd psych myself up for a burst of weight-control efforts (diet or exercise program) by printing up a then-current picture of me (in which I was grossly overweight) and use that as inspiration to NOT BE LIKE THAT. Now, of course, I look at those photos and wish I could be that thin again.
There's a great line from an article that Chicago columnist Mary Schmich wrote as advice for the graduating high school / college class of 1997 -- this column was later set to music as "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)" and had been e-mailed around the 'net, misattributed to Kurt Vonnegut. The line in question:
"Trust me, in twenty years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine." [Emphasis mine]
I remember photos from my last couple of years in college when I'd look at them and imagine I was fat. And the columnist is right, of course. I was not as fat as I'd imagined. NOW I'm as fat as I'd imagined.
True story: I look at a sumo wrestler on TV or in the movies and realize, hey, I could take him!
Ugh.
There's a saying that "realizing you have a problem is halfway to solving it." Bull. I know lots of smokers who know they should quit, but that doesn't bring them any closer to quitting. Realizing you have a problem might be the first step. Unfortunately, it's only the first step of what amounts to being a journey of a thousand miles.
But then again, as I mentioned earlier, that's how I got here: not all at once, but very, very gradually. One step at a time, over a long period, until I looked back and realized how very far I'd come, and how very, very far off course I'd ended up.
"The Journey of a Thousand Pounds begins with a single pint of Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heathbar Crunch."--Ancient Chinese Secret
The worst thing about having this kind of a problem -- a problem that stems partially from poor habits and partially from destructive predispositions -- is encountering other people who have also had these kinds of problem and know exactly how to solve all of *your* problems.
There's the ex-smoker, for example, who simply decided one day a few years ago to quit, and did so, and therefore it's obvious that if you want to lose weight, you just have to decide to, and that's that.
Quite frankly, I've never had the urge to try a cigarette, I think they're disgusting and smell bad and can't possibly imagine that it could ever be enjoyable. I couldn't get hooked on cigarettes because I'm predisposed not to even want to try. So, for me to offer my opinions or advice on how to quit smoking could only ever be an academic exercise: I don't know what it's like, so I can only go on what I've read or heard. But for a reformed smoker who has never had a weight problem to assume that he knows what it takes to conquer a trend toward fattitude is just as misguided as me presuming to know how to advise a smoker to kick his habit.
Do *you* smoke? Well, then, why don't you just quit?
Glad I could be of help.
Then there's the advice from people who have taken an approach that worked for them for weight loss, and therefore are convinced that it will work in all cases. I work in an office where one of the guys got hooked on mountain climbing. "Allan," he'd say, "all you have to do is come climbing with me on the weekends, and you'll lose all that weight, no matter how much you eat."
He's almost certainly right. I've gone climbing with him, and holy cow that's a workout. And there is a lot to like about that kind of exercise. But aside from the fact that I'm now married with child and therefore have things to do on the weekends, the fact is that I don't find mountain climbing to be as interesting as he finds it. Any eight hour exercise session is going to become a bit tedious if you just don't dig it.
"No, Allan," his father advises me. "The only way to lose weight is to shut your mouth and don't let any calories pass between your lips." My employer has offered similar insights. "Exercise isn't the answer," he says (although he runs marathons and jogs something like a hundred miles a day). "You have to watch what you eat. It's the only way to lose weight."
Well, for my office mate's father, dieting was, indeed, the ticket. He eats a hard boiled egg for breakfast. I think he eats a slice of toast for dinner, on days he has dinner. And sure enough, he has lost a lot of weight.
As for my employer, I'm told that his regimen has produced substantial results (I haven't known him all that long), but I also know it includes a great deal of exercise as well as moderation in the eating department. Then again, he will also freely offer, "I completely subscribe to the do as I say, not as I do school of thought."
When friends, family, and co-workers offer me their suggestions that I tend to my weight, I know that they are doing so out of concern for my well-being. Well, except for my employer, who simply wants to avoid having to train somebody else to do my job.
Some broach the subject tactfully. Some are rather bold about it. Most wait (er, weight?) until I bring it up, and then they helpfully offer their advice.
As you might assume from my posts on the subject, I'm fine talking about it. In fact, as an extrovert, I'm more inclined to talk about whatever is on my mind than I am to mull it over. It's just the way we extroverts tend to work out problems. We talk it out. And this is, indeed, a problem that I'm trying to work out.
So I don't mind the advice. I don't mind suggestions or counter-suggestions or food-for-thought, such as it is. What bothers me is the idea that anyone knows the be-all-end-all solution to this problem. What works in some cases does not work in all. If there were one sure-fire method for losing weight, we wouldn't have an obesity problem in this country.
There is one sure-fire *basis* for losing weight (burn more calories than you take in), but I have yet to find a sure-fire method toward that goal. Therein lies a multi-billion dollar industry.
But I have some thoughts on the subject. Perhaps you do, too. Let's chat.
For starters, I'll note that I've come to believe the solution that will work for me will be found in the notion of "The Journey of a Thousand Miles" (or a Thousand Pounds, in this case). This is not a destination I can pursue simply by setting out to earn my black belt or enter a marathon or some such goal. More likely, I'm going to have to find small course corrections that I can make now and that I can sustain indefinitely.
That, or learn to exploit my current predispositions and pursue a career as a sumo wrestler.
Posted by on March 29, 2005 10:48 PM in the following Department(s): Journey of a Thousand Pounds
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Comments
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You can try looking on the bright side (there is always a bright side I'm told) and consider your present situation in a more positive light. Anyone, with considerable effort and determination, can achive and maintain those well defined abs and chiseled pecks. This however, can result in a rather sharp and possibly intimidating presence in the eyes of others.
Remember that there is a cross section of any population which finds that well rounded pear shape to be not only attractive but desireable. In the world of art the painter Rubins found that shape to be easy on the eye as he demonstrated by his choice of models. That shape, "Rubinesque", is immortalized in his works.
That pear shape in addition to being beautiful is also aerodynamically sound, making walking in a wind storm a non-event. As every pilot knows; moving the center of gravity (CG)aft will increase the stall speed of the aircraft. While this is undesirable in an airplane it can be benificial to humans caught in a high wind situation. Since lift is created as the square of the airspeed it can be seen that moving even just a few pounds aft (thus lowereing your CG) can have great benifit.
The best part of the whole situation is that it is so easy to attain this highly desireable shape. Sloth is a wonderful thing. Just a few evenings with both clicker and beer in hand topped off with a Big Mac for dinner and before you know it, you're there.
So take heart, keep up the good work and soon you will be able to boldly face Charlie (the hurricane)confidently and unafraid.
Remember, always look for that silver lining.
Dad
Posted by: Dad on March 30, 2005 6:24 AMThere is a shure fire way to lose weight...have your mouth stitched shut!
Oh and I was a three pack a day smoker until labor day 1972 have not had a cig since.
tk
Posted by: Tony on March 30, 2005 9:50 AMhappy birthday :) I hope you settle down into your new house soon :)
Posted by: bluecheese on March 30, 2005 12:01 PMOK, Allan, what are you lookin' for, then? Tough love? On the one hand, you say you welcome advice from us. On the other, you're deriding the advice you're given or those by whom it was given. That really doesn't make me eager to even talk about it with you. What, exactly, would you like from your audience?
Sympathy, maybe, and I have both that and empathy for you. Call if you want some, you'll have my full and caring attention. However: if you continue to want sympathy over a long time *when you're not doing anything about the problem*, then you'll wear it out.
You seem to be asking for advice but unwilling to take it, and I wonder if that's an indicator of your lack of devotion to losing weight. Have you really sat down and figured out if you're willing to undergo the necessary evils to lose weight? It ain't painless, and you'll have to change things you enjoy to accomplish it, as you well know. You're one of the brightest people I know, and I've seen you be super-efficient at research and action as a result thereof. You have access to a gazillion methods of losing weight which, when averaged (and with Hollywood-originated outliers eliminated), probably comes out to "eat less and exercise". You know how to eat less -- and don't give me crap about the specifics of eating less. You know how to exercise, obviously. I've really gotta assume you've figured this all out. There aren't any mysteries here, it's pure engineering. So what's the holdup? Why all this writing about the problem, but no writing about proposed solutions? At very least, treat it as an engineering problem and write some solutions down. You can burn the paper when you're done, or you can take action. Figure out what you're willing to do about this, then - if you want - present it to us. And if 'nothing' is your chosen course, by the way, all the power to you. Then we can all encourage you in whatever method you've chosen, give you meaningful support while you undergo the process, and -- if you want -- give you loads of crap when you slip up (you'll have to define that for us, too!). How 'bout it?
I think all of us just want you to be happy, and if this weight thing is something that'll help, we're with you on it. Just do something about it other than write, 'cuz it doesn't look like the writing is making you happier.
My rant CV: I smoked, and I quit cold-turkey many years ago. I did the research and chose that course. I'm about 30lbs over what I want to be (by appearance, not scale). I gained the weight due to poor (albeit enjoyable!) eating habits and, indirectly, through some unhappiness. I'm losing weight at the rate I've chosen using methods which are acceptable to me in the long term, and ones which are well known to you. Less pleasant than unfettered existence? Of course!! I just decided what I would be willing to trade against that. No, I ain't gonna tell you how I'm doing it 'cuz the specifics are gonna be different for you, and because I don't feel that you're actually receptive to any advice right now.
Go find out what's gonna make you happy and tell us. We'll be here for you!
Posted by: alan on March 30, 2005 2:44 PMAh, but Alan, I haven't laid out the whole spread, yet. Yes, I've started with the problem, but I actually do intend to get to the solution. Truly. As with any long story, one typically starts with the set-up before getting to the action.
The set-up was "On Becoming Fat". Next up: "On Becoming Not So Fat". Or something along those lines.
That said, I clearly messed up on the subject of advice. Hopefully I'll be able to clear that up in future posts.
Posted by: Allan on March 30, 2005 3:22 PMPS: bluecheese -- thanks!
Posted by: Allan on March 30, 2005 3:29 PMYes, but think of the Cyrano-istic come-back speech you'd have to give up if you lost weight!
Cyrano: Ah no, young sir! You are too simple. Why, you might have said -- Oh, a great many things! Mon dieu, why waste your opportunity? For example, thus: AGGRESSIVE: I, sir, were that fat mine, I'd use a Hoover(r) Porta-suck on the spot! FRIENDLY: How do you pee accurately with such a girth? You ought to have a mirror made specially. DESCRIPTIVE: 'Tis a bladder - a balloon - a burlesque ba-ba-BOOM! - A girth? say rather a gut! INQUISITIVE: What's that length, a belt or a kite-string? KINDLY, yet RIBALD: Ah, do you love the pretty women so much that they come and sing to you, that your width all turns to length at midnight? INSOLENT: Sir, when you sit, the neighbors must assume the mountain is erupting! ENTERPRISING: What a sign for some Bakery! SIMPLE: When do they release the dwarf tied to your waist?
Don't do it, Allan! Please by all means don't do it!
Or do. Atkins worked lovely for me. ;-)
Posted by: Joseph Paul Haines on March 30, 2005 4:13 PMOK, not sure if I'm offering this as advice or not, or just a "here's my anecdote" kind of thing.
I changed eating habits, but for "healthier food" reasons, not for weight reasons. I grew up on white bread and soda pop, and after thirty years of that, I couldn't imagine how anyone could eat that brown wheat bread stuff -- ugh!
I found the key for me was not to try to change all my diet all at once, but change a few things at a time, until I got used to them, until I even preferred them, and then change the next few things. It used to be whole milk only. Then 2%. Now 1%, where I'm staying, because I think some fat is necessary. (I'm also not eating meat, which means I can afford some full-fat cheese and things like that.) Now whole milk is like drinking cream -- yuck!
Another milk hint: organic milk is creamier than non-organic, so 1% organic feels like 2% non-organic, and so on. Even organic skim isn't bad.
My parents barely recognize my diet now. They've never heard of these brands I eat. "What is this word 'organic'?" they say. (OK, not really!)
Now, ironically, on to the actual weight thing (and I apologize in advance if this is tactless) -- I vowed to fit in my wedding dress (a short white clingy dress, not a traditional gown) by our 10th anniversary, which would be in Spring 2006. However, three weeks of severe bronchitis in Jan/Feb of this year really dampened my appetite for a while, so on a whim, I tried the wedding dress on tonight (before reading your post, I swear!), and viola!
Now we just have to get Paul into his tux -- he has about 20-25 pounds to go for that. He has just over a year. He's taking aerobics. And believe me, in Texas, that's sayin' somethin'.
Posted by: Amy on March 30, 2005 10:17 PMThat last bit about the wedding dress, by the way, was intended to show you that bronchitis is an option for losing weight.
If that seems impractical, esp. with 1 visible and 1 as yet hidden little ones in your home, you might also consider giving up or seriously cutting down on soft drinks (something I have not managed to do).
I have a friend who lost 20 pounds in about 2 months who took no action re: diet or exercise except to give up Mountain Dew. He previously had 3-4 cans per day.
Also, if you love soda (as I do), you might want to see out non-commercial (often organic) brands that use evaporated cane juice, or hell, just plain sugar, to sweeten them as opposed to high frustose corn syrup, which is the worst of the worst when it comes to empty calories. (I read an interesting article about why we moved to high fructose corn syrup, which was because the government had a surplus corn supply and nothing to do with it. Replace sugar in soda with cheap corn syrup, drive down costs of producing soda, and keep the soda price the same, increasing profits. Coincidentally, this happened around the time we started to gain weight as a nation.)
Also, fast food. Utter poison. Nothing but salt and fat.
OK, I'm done now! Good luck. We're all counting on you. (Oh wait, that's from Airplane!.
Posted by: Amy on March 31, 2005 8:20 AMHey, Allan. Greetings from someone who knew your skinny butt in high school. I remember you practicing with the swim team. I just thought you were an overachiever, LOL.
I identify with that On Becoming Fat business. I tried on 7 bathing suits last week and didn't buy one because they didn't have one that went down to at least lower thigh. My next plan is a very big sarong. Or I may just tie the couch slipcover around my hips and hit the beach.
I have been fighting the battle, too. After Baby 1 was born, I abdominized my abdomen away. After Baby 2, I Slim-Fasted until I thought I would take off from the caffeine and chromium in that stuff. Went back to eating normally and most of what I lost came back. Go figure. After Baby 3, I joined LA Weight Loss and lost 12 pounds. Then I stopped it and put on 20. Frig!
Oh, and did I mention I did finally quit smoking? My strategy was not to ever have time to smoke. I don't smoke around my kids and my kids are always around! Okay, that's a rant for another day. But you get the picture. I can't use the same plan to lose weight because I can't ban myself from eating in the house, can I?
Posted by: Grace on April 11, 2005 4:02 PMWeight is a constant battle for anyone who likes to eat. We live in a society where theer are definately more poor choices, more readily availabel and easier to eat than good ones.
As I have never been addicted to smoking or drinking - I realize I can not say much about how to do either - but my gut does tell me it seems easier to avoid cigarettes and alcohol then it is to avoid food. Although, it may be more accurate to point out the challenges I have in avoiding the unhealthy - but oh so tasty- food.
Anyway - I agree with the ideas of making the changes for health - rather than for weight; as well as of making small changes over a period of time. I too grew up ob white bread and Pepsi. I can not stand either anymore. I am a bread person and recognise that that is not the greatest way to eat - so I have made my changes not by giving it up (I tried once - it was torture) but by switching to whole grains as much as possible, and eating less of it. (I found that one piece of hearty whole grain toast in the morning is more filling than two pieces of processed bread anyway - so I am also eating less as well as eating more healthy.)
Also - doing it for the kids is a great motivator for me. I know that they will learn more by what I do then what I say. So, I can not just tell them how and what to eat - I ned to show them. As was previoiusly pointed out - kids are almost always around - so I do not have as many opportunities to eat the candy and chips since I do not want them eating it.
I personally love the South Beach Concepts and felt the book was worthwhile. It makes sense to me and focuses on health rather than weight. It is a benefit that teh weight natutrally came off as well through the healthier eating choices. I am not done, and I am not alwasy doing it correctly - but I am still making those life long changes - little by little. Many that I have made - have stuck. My cholesterol and all those internal numbers are WAY better than they use to be - and I can live with that.
Posted by: michelle on April 19, 2005 12:23 PM|
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